Merry Christmas, kids.

More news to come in January. Stay tuned.

F***************************k.

Purdue's second-string offense 20, Worst-5-and-oh-team-in-Big-Ten history Northwestern 17. That. Just. Happened. (Photo courtesy ChicagoTribune.com. Pain courtesy Stefan "Longshanks" Demos.)

Q: How many Boilermakers does it take to change a flat tire? A: Just one — unless it’s a blowout, then they all show up!

Not in my house, pal.

As this blog’s three loyal readers know, it’s Golden Plunger Week, baby. I’ve heard the old girl’s even starting to pick up a Southern accent from all that time in North Carolina.

Here’s all you need to know: Northwestern’s 5-0, at home, under the lights, while Purdue’s 2-2 and losing skill players faster than Greece is losing money. The Kittens have won two straight in the series, so why stop a good thing when it’s just starting to roll downhill? Thanks to the folks over at ZanesZeros.com, here are my favorite Boilermaker jokes to get everybody primed for the weekend …

Why did the Purdue fan keep a coat hanger in his back seat?

In case he locks the keys in his car.

***

An Purdue fan ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

“Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”

***

How do you keep a Purdue fan busy?

Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper.

***

How do you recognize a Purdue fan in a department store?

He’s the one trying to slam the revolving door.

***

How do you know when a Purdue fan has sent you a fax?

When there’s a stamp on it.

***

Why did the Purdue team airliner crash?

It ran out of coal.

***

How do you get a Purdue graduate off your front porch?

You pay for the pizza.

***

Why did the Purdue fan get rid of his freezer?

He got tired of cutting the ice into little squares to fit into the trays.

***

How many Boilermakers does it take to change a flat tire?

Just one — unless it’s a blowout, then they all show up!

***

Saturday. 6:30 p.m. Big Ten Network. It. Is. On.

Buddy Across America Tour 2010: The ‘Roo-ful Recap

First leg: WiHi to Dayton/Cincinnati, where BudRoo made a new friend and we reacquainted ourselves with a few old ones — such as "GoGo" Goheen.

Mrs. WiHi even got a tour of my old haunts/bars in Cincy. We looked for Coach at The Gas Light Cafe in Pleasant Ridge, only to find that was "retiring" from bartending and had gone and married former Bengal Ken Anderson's daughter! Sometimes, you can't make this stuff up.

Second Leg: Ohio to Durham, N.C. Traveler's tip No. 1: If you somehow feel the urge to stop in Beckley, W.V., resist it. You're not missing a thing, except for the freak show. This is yours truly in front of Historic Durham Bulls Park, where the movie "Bull Durham" was shot more than 20 years ago.

Sunny Raleigh, home to the NHL's Carolina Hurricanes and the North Carolina State Wolfpack, whose football stadium is just across the street from the Hurricanes' arena.

Third leg: Raleigh/Durham to Nashville. While LeBron James was holding ESPN and the rest of the free world hostage, we elected to head outside and explore downtown Music City. Good call. Cort had never been to Nashville, nor had she seen the city's Parthenon replica lit up after dark. BudRoo wound up with some frozen yogurt later that night, which he inhaled. The next day, it was even better — he somehow charmed his way to personal service from a waiter on the dining deck at San Antonio Taco Co., across the street from Vanderbilt University. I think Nashville was Bud's favorite stop on the trip. Everybody bent over backwards for him there.

Fourth leg: Nasvhille to St. Louis. The folks in the Gateway City were a little more immune to his charms, but he got a kick out of walking University City while Mama and Papa WiHi took turns hopping in and out of stores. Travel tip No. 2: When staying at a Days Inn, it's best to try to avoid one of their "dog rooms."

King Arthur sought The Holy Grail. I sought Stag Beer. Hey. To each his quest.

Fifth leg: St. Louis to the WiHi. Travel tip No. 3: When your wife suggests climbing 244 steps in Hannibal, Mo., be sure to stretch out first. Trust me on this one, kids.